Confused
by 0Cara0
Summary: A few weeks after Leo's death, Cara discovers she's pregnant with his child. As she struggles with this, she is forced to face some of the demons of her past.
1. Chapter 1

Leo was dead. No matter how hard she tried, it was a truth Cara couldn't escape. When she closed her eyes, she kept seeing how his body was being eaten by the flames and she couldn't get rid of the image of his charred body.

She shouldn't be so sad. He had had an honorable death, defending the Mother Confessor. The sort of death any self-respecting man should wish for. There was no need to make such a drama out of it, Cara told herself. She hadn't even really known him.

But no matter how many times Cara tried to tell herself to stop thinking about him, she couldn't stop the images from haunting her. And a nagging voice in her head kept reminding her she hadn't told him she cared about him until it was too late. Cara kept wondering if he had known anyway. She hoped he had.

Cara didn't show any emotion to Richard, Kahlan or Zedd. She had noticed Kahlans worried glances, but Cara just kept pretending she was fine. Maybe, if she just acted as if Leo had never existed, everything would be alright, she told herself. She knew she'd get over this. He was not the first person she'd lost. It wasn't as if she'd never felt pain before. She'd be alright, she had to be. They had more important things to do. Like finding the stone of tears.

Kahlan looked at Cara as they sat across the campfire. It had been a long day. Cara was sunken into her own thoughts. Kahlan noticed how tired and sad she looked. She knew it was about Leo. Though Cara was quite the expert in hiding her feelings, Kahlan had learned to see right through her cold demeanor. She could easily tell Cara wasn't okay. Kahlan stood up and sat down right next to her.

"Hey," she said softly, while putting her hand on Cara's right arm, that was covered in the smooth red leather only Mord-Sith wear.

Cara didn't say anything, but she didn't pull back her arm either.

"Are you okay?" Kahlan continued.

Cara nodded, without taking her eyes of the fire.

Kahlan sighed.

"I know you miss him." Kahlan said. "We all do."

She could feel Cara stiffening.

"It's been six weeks," Cara said in a voice that was supposed to be steady and emotionless, but Kahlan could hear how it trembled slightly. "I'm over that by now."

"Cara," Kahlan said affectionately. " Six weeks is not a long time"

Cara shrugged and continued staring into the fire.

Later that night, Cara found herself staring at the starry sky. Beside her, she could hear Kahlan breathing regulary. She was exhausted, but she still couldn't sleep. She was contemplating the awful reality of her situation. She knew it was true. It hadn't taken her long to figure out what was going on. She felt exactly the same as she had felt last time.

She was pregnant.

Once she'd realized, Cara had needed every bit of strenght within her to keep her from going completely hysterical. This couldn't be true. Not with Leo. She couldn't believe this had happened. She'd been pregnant only once before, with Darken Rahl, but she'd had him, and many other men, many times without anything happening. It had been just one night with Leo.

Feverishly, Cara tried to think of a way to solve this. She'd heard stories of herbs one could take to get rid of an unwanted pregnancy, but she had no idea how or where to get them. Besides, she reminded herself, they were on a quest. She didn't have time to go look for some herbs. Then, she got a better idea. She could simply use her Agiel. Darken Rahl had sometimes ordered Mord-Sith to do that when a pregnancy wasn't convenient. It couldn't be too difficult. In the dark, Cara reached for her Agiel, welcoming the instant pain it sent through her arm as she touched it. She moved it towards her body, but hesitated. She'd have to use a lot of force. Not that she was afraid of the pain, but Kahlan, who was right next to her, would probably wake up if she did it know. It was too risky now. She'd do it tomorrow.

The next day Cara remained quiet and taciturn. Nothing seemed to touch her. She didn't even throw in her usual sarcastic remarks when Richard and Kahlan were being overly affectionate. Normally, Cara would look completely focussed and threathening, ready to attack at any moment, but now her face was blank and her eyes were constantly focused on a point far away. Behind her, Richard touched Kahlans arm and threw a quick glance at the Mord-Sith, who was walking in front of him.

"Is Cara alright?" he asked in a discrete voice.

Kahlan shook her head. " I think she's still sad about Leo, but it only seems to be getting worse, instead of better." She sighed.

" I just don't know what to do," she said. " She looks so sad, and all I want to do is throw my arms around her and hug her really tight, but she seems so … distant."

Kahlan sighed. "I just can't get through to her."

Richard gently let his hand go through Kahlans long dark hair and kissed her on the cheek. " I know you mean well," he said with a slight smile. "But I think you worry too much." He touched her hand,. "That's just the way Cara is. If she really needs our help, she'll ask for it."

Kahlan smiled back at him, but she didn't believe him.

She had made it through another day, but still her problem hadn't been solved. Cara had offered to be the first to be on guard, so she could put off sleeping. Not that she didn't need to sleep. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this exhausted, but she simply didn't want to close her eyes ever again. She didn't want the images of Leo's maimed body to return. Cara touched the cord of her Agiel. Perhaps she could do it know. The others were sleeping. This could be the only opportunity to do it properly. It was difficult enough to keep secrets when you were constantly traveling with a group of four, let alone secretly perform an abortion. Yet, reason didn't win Cara over. She wasn't ready yet. Deep inside, she wished she could talk to someone. It was a desire very strange to her. Cara had never really talked about emotions. Kahlan had tried to get through to her, and she actually had started to open up a bit, but Cara couldn't imagine trying to put the way she was feeling now to words. Besides, telling anyone would ruin everything. They'd sent her away. It was a thought that filled Cara with a fear so cold that it almost reduced her to tears.

She knew Kahlan and she also knew how badly Kahlan would like to have a child with Richard, but that she couldn't. Kahlan would never agree to help her get rid of it. Pregnant she'd be of no use to anyone. She wouldn't be able to protect Richard, the true Lord Rahl. And if she couldn't protect him, she'd have to leave. They wouldn't just have her tag along for the sake of it. That would only slow them down. She'd be all alone and extremely vulnerable. Cara shivered at the very thought. No, best to get it over with and never mention it again.

At least Kahlan thought her only problem was that she was sad about Leo.

Ah, Leo. Cara fondly remembered his friendly smile and his calming, yet cheerful voice. For a second, she wished he were there. _No_. It's probably a good thing Leo's dead, Cara quickly told herself. If he'd been here he would have wanted to keep her company. He would be here telling his ridiculous jokes, and when he'd have noticed something was wrong, he would never have stopped nagging until he found out. Now, that would be really bad. Him being here would have made things even more complicated. He would have found out, no matter how private Cara was. She knew he was always watching her closely. And if he'd found out, Cara mused, he might have even told her to keep it. So ridiculous. Not that she'd have listened to him, of course. It had been just one night. It wasn't as if he had married her.

But while Cara furiously tried to convince herself how glad she was Leo wasn't there, other images managed to creep through the iron barrier in her mind. How he had held her that night. Cara had had many men before him and, she added in thought, she'd probably have lots more after him, but there was something in the way he had kissed her. Cara was used to wild, almost violent passion. There had been passion in her moments with Leo, but also a sort of tenderness that was completely new to her. Afterwards, they'd just been laying there. Her head on his chest, while he stroked her blonde hair. She'd felt relaxed and safe. _Protected. _As soon had the thought occured to her, Cara violently shook her head, as if she'd be able to get rid of it that way. What in the world was wrong with her? She didn't need protection. She was a protector herself, not some sort of girlish woman who needed a strong man to protect her. She'd almost certainly beat Leo in a fight, she thought. She was much quicker and he was still rather clumsy with the sword and… Cara's thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she heard the rustling sound of someone quietly approaching through the dry auttumn leaves. Agiel in her hand, she swiftly turned to the direction of the sounds.

Then she relaxed. It was Kahlan.

" Sorry," Kahlan said in a quiet voice, as not to wake the others. " I didn't mean to startle you,"

Cara nodded, as a sign that it was okay.

Kahlan looked a bit lost. "I want to talk to you," she said.

Cara's heart started hammering in her throat and she felt as if she was going to faint. No, not now. Not when she felt like this. So _vulnerable._ She was scared to death she'd succumb to Kahlan's sympathetic looks.

"Alright." she sad coolly. " What about?"

"Cara." Kahlan said seriously, while looking her in the eye.

" Yes?" Cara said brightly, not averting her gaze.

Kahlan sighed. "I know you don't want to talk about Leo," she started.

The sound of his name spoken aloud hit Cara with a force she hadn't expected. Leo, Leo, Leo. He wasn't coming back. Never. Never.

Cara didn't trust her own voice, so she didn't answer.

" I just want you to know," Kahlan said, "That I'm right here if you need me, okay?" She tenderly put her hand on Cara's shoulder. Cara didn't pull back, like she would've done just a couple of weeks ago, but she didn't give any reaction either. In her heart, she wanted to scream and cry and she wanted Kahlan to hug her and tell her what to do to make everything feel normal again, but of course she didn't say that. She just kept on staring into the darkness. Kahlan sighed and stood there for a few seconds, as if she expected Cara to say something. When Cara remained silent, Kahlan started to walk back to the camp.

"Kahlan?"

Cara's voice sounded small and unsure.

Kahlan turned around with a sympathetic smile on her lips. Then she noticed the tears silently rolling down Cara's cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

Kahlan's smile faded and she swiftly walked back to Cara. When she stood right in front of her, she hesistated for a fraction of a second but then she pulled her arms around Cara and hugged her. Cara hardly made any noise, but Kahlan could feel her body shaking underneath her hands and she felt how Cara's tears seeped through the shoulder of her Confessor dress while Kahlan stroke her hair. Gently, Kahlan directed Cara to a nearby tree trunk and sat her down. Cara looked at the ground, her shoulders still shaking with every sob. Kahlan squatted down in front of her and took both of her hands.

"Cara." She whispered softly, but Cara didn't even seem to hear her.

They just sat like that, without saying anything, until Cara finally lifted her head. Her eyes were red and her face was wet with tears.

"You should get back," she whispered weakly.

"I'm not going anywhere." Kahlan said.

Cara wriggled one of her hands out of Kahlans and roughly wiped the tears from her face. She was annoyed with herself. Now that the intense flood of hurt and confusion that had taken her by surprise had subsided a bit, she was mortified that she'd shown so much of herself to Kahlan. Mord-Sith were not supposed to feel, let alone cry. She took a deep breath and straightened her back.

"Kahlan, I'm fine, really. I'm.. fine" she murmured.

" No, Cara," Kahlan said with that sympathetic smile of hers. "You're not."

Cara suddenly realized Kahlan was still holding her left hand and she abruptly pulled it back.

Kahlan just kept staring into Cara's eyes.

Cara felt a new wave of emotion coming at her and she quickly looked away.

She wished Kahlan would just leave her alone. She'd already made enough of a fool of herself.

" Cara, the man you loved just got killed. It's normal to feel this way, even for a Mord-Sith." Kahlan whispered.

Cara squinted, as if suddenly blinded by a bright light. "I didn't… love him." she said, cringing when she heard the tears in her own voice.

Kahlan rolled her eyes and smiled sympathetically. "You did."

Cara hated how Kahlan managed to see right through her. She couldn't get herself to deny her affection for Leo again, so she just looked at Kahlan crossly.

Kahlan got up and sat next to the Mord-Sith, so close that her shoulder touched Cara's.

"So?" she asked, folding her hands.

"So.. what?" Cara asked, more or less in control of her voice again.

"Leo," Kahlan whispered, immediately regretting doing that, as she saw Cara withdraw into herself again.

" I told you, I will be fine." Cara said coldly, slightly twitching her mouth. "I'm just tired. That always makes me a bit whiny."

"Cara?" Kahlan asked hesitantly. " Is there something else? Something you're not telling me?"

"You mean what's wrong besides the fact that Leo was burned alive when he had to jump in front of you, because you made a mistake during battle?" Cara asked in a sarcastic tone, immediately revealing the depth of her feelings.

Kahlan looked hurt, and for a brief moment Cara thought Kahlan might start to cry.

"I'm sorry," Cara muttered.

Kahlan didn't answer.

"Cara, I'm not stupid," she said calmly, causing Cara to look up alarmed.

"You have been sick for the past two weeks,"

Cara shrugged. "Everyone gets sick once in a while," she said, seemingly unmoved. "Especially when you travel about and sleep in the woods all the time."

Kahlan didn't seem impressed.

"How about moodswings?" Kahlan asked.

Cara gasped. " I _always_ have moodswings! You constantly say so yourself!"

Kahlan sighed. " Cara, I can complete the list if you want me to, but I think you know what I'm getting at, right?" Kahlan asked, starting to get a bit annoyed.

For a moment, they were both silent. Cara shifted and opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then she closed it again.

"You're pregnant." Kahlan said, more a statement than a question.

Cara nodded reluctantly.

"With Leo?" Kahlan asked.

Cara gave her an angry look. "Who else?" she snapped."Not with Richard or Zedd if that's what your implying."

"Sorry." Kahlan said, realizing the stupidity of the question.

Cara stood up. "It's not a big deal, though" she said in the same tone she'd use to say there was a stone in her shoe. " I know how to get rid of it,"

"Then why haven't you already?" Kahlan asked.

Cara shrugged.

"Cara, you don't _want _it to be a big deal," Kahlan said gently, while she also got up. "There's a difference."

"You were taking second watch, right?" Cara said matter-of-factly. "I'm going to sleep."

"Cara," Kahlan protested. "Wait."

Cara didn't turn around. " What do you mean, you 'know how to get rid of it' ?" she asked, fearing she already knew the answer to that question.

Cara turned her head over her shoulder and looked Kahlan straight into the eye. Then she pointed at the Agiel in the holder in her leg without saying anything.

" Cara!"

Kahlan sounded upset.

Cara ignored her and started walking again.

Kahlan ran to her and grabbed her arm. " You have to tell Richard." She said, trying to whisper and scream at the same time.

For the first time, she could read a reaction from Cara's face. Her eyes got big and she looked genuinly shocked.

" No.." she begged. "No, Kahlan, please.. don't.."

The panic was written all over her face.

Kahlan was taken aback. She hadn't expected a reaction that strong. Now she didn't really know what to say.

" He's going to find out eventually, anyway."

" Not if you don't tell him," Cara whispered.

" Cara," Kahlan said. "I'm not going to let you…" Her eyes wandered to Cara's Agiel.

Cara snorted, regaining her composure. "And what do want to about it?"

Kahlan turned her head around, as if looking for an answer somewhere in the woods around her. "But.. that's…dangerous!"

She was almost yelling by now, not trying to hide her dismay.

Cara looked unimpressed. "So is traveling with you people."

" If we tell Richard, I'm sure we'll…"

"You're not telling Richard." Cara snapped. Then she turned and walked away, leaving Kahlan alone.

When Cara got to their small camp she sat down on on her blanket and stared at the shapes of Richard's and Zedd's sleeping bags.

She pressed her nails into the palm of her hand. Why? Why did Kahlan have to come and talk to her? Why did she break down like a little girl? And _why on earth_ did she admit to being pregnant?

Everything was going as she had predicted. Kahlan would do anything to stop her, which would eventually lead to Cara being sent away. Kahlan would never say that, Cara thought, but that was just how it was. She was angry at Kahlan for trying discovering her secret, but she was even more angry at herself for being so weak in front of the Mother Confessor.

Kahlan seemed so nice and caring, but, Cara thought, she didn't mean it. Not with her, anyway. Confessors didn't care for Mord Sith. Besides, Cara had killed Kahlan's sister. Kahlan had made it absolutely clear that she wouldn't ever forgive her, but that she'd tolerate Cara because Richard needed protection. Cara was fully aware of this, but it wasn't always enough to resist Kahlan's compassionate eyes and soft voice.

The following morning, Cara and Kahlan didn't speak to each other. Richard, sensing the uncomfortable silence, raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem?" he asked.

"No." Cara replied curtly.

Richard looked from Cara to Kahlan and then to Zedd, who shrugged.

"Women," he smirked.

When they were on their way, Cara stayed a bit behind the rest of the group. She was fighting the nausea that had had her in its grip for every morning of the past few weeks. It was the first thing she'd recognized from her previous pregnancy. Cara did her best to breath normally, as the waves of nausea came and went, but then it suddenly became so intense that she could no longer fight it. She fell down on her knees in front of the bushes and started to throw up. Suddenly she felt a cool hand touching her cheek as someone gently held back her hair. Cara didn't have to turn around to know it was Kahlan.

"Are you alright?" Kahlan whispered, when Cara finally stopped vomiting.

Cara moaned softly, but nodded without looking up. She was to embarrassed to look Kahlan in the eye.

"Where are Richard and Zedd?" she asked.

"I told them to do some washing in the lake just over there." Kahlan said, pointed at some blue glimmers appearing through the trees. "I thought you might wanted to rest a bit."

Cara nodded.

"I'm sorry about last night," Kahlan said. "I didn't mean to upset you. I was just … worried"

Cara turned her head and was about to say something, when a voice from very nearby suddenly made them both look up.

"Kahlan, you'll never believe this! These fish here, they're _huge_. Really, you must…"

Richard's enthusiastic voice died down when he saw Kahlan and Cara, both sitting on their knees and Kahlan's hand on Cara's shoulder.

"What is going on here?" he asked, with a worried glance at Cara's pale face and teary eyes. Kahlan seemed uncomfortable and looked away. Cara didn't answer him either.

"Cara, are you alright?" he continued. "If you're ill, I think we could just stay here for a day. We could all use some rest and this place is perfect for a bit of relaxation."

"I'm not ill." Cara whispered.

Richard sighed. "Cara, it doesn't matter. I was planning on taking a bit of a rest day anyway." He threw a friendly smile at her.

"Richard, that's not what she means." Kahlan said gently.

Richard looked at her in utter confusion.

"Then what _does_ she mean?"


	3. Chapter 3

Cara could feel their stares, while they waited for her to answer. She quickly got up and looked around. She wanted to run. Away from Kahlan and Richard, away from her problems and most importantly, away from her memories of Leo.

"Well?" Richard.

Cara couldn't bear looking at him.

"Kahlan, what's going on? Cara?" Richard looked even more confused.

Kahlan indecisively wriggled her fingers.

"Cara," she said, trying to meet Cara's eyes. "I think you should tell him."

Cara briefly shook her head.

"Cara." Richard's voice sounded firmer now.

He grabbed her arm. "Look at me."

Hesitantly, Cara turned her head, biting her lip to keep it from trembling.

"What is wrong with you?" Richard asked.

Cara desperately looked from Richard to Kahlan and back to Richard.

"Please," she said in a soft, yet firm voice. "You don't want to know, trust me."

Richard smiled gently. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"It is." Cara said, her face turning emotionless again.

Richard sighed.

"It's too late to keep it a secret now, Cara." he said.

Cara knew he was right. There was no escape. This was it, then. She'd ruined her chances of undoing this. She should never have talked to Kahlan.

"I'm pregnant." Cara said curtly, averting her eyes.

Richard's eyebrows raised in surprise. He didn't say anything.

"Oh." he said, before falling silent again.

"Is that all you have to say?" Cara snapped. She hated having to wait for someone to torture her.

"Ehm," Richard started, slightly bemused. He was still processing what she'd just said.

"Cara, I know you're scared, but it'll be alright." Kahlan said reassuringly.

Richard nodded, still unable to say anything substantial.

Without saying anything, Cara ran away in the direction of the lake. She didn't want to see them anymore. She wanted to be alone. By the lake she could see Zedd, who appeared to be fishing, but Cara kept running. She knew it could be dangerous, considering everything they'd come across during their journey, to run off all alone, but she couldn't stand being around them and their sympathetic looks. She didn't want their pity. She desperately longed to be alone for some time. It was natural for Mord-Sith to crave solitude when they were hurt. They couldn't allow others to see them so weak. Cara knew she'd already failed miserably at that, but she still had some self-respect.

She stopped and leaned against a rock that overlooked the beautiful lake. In the distance, there were mountains, with tops that were covered in crisp white snow. It was a place of dazzling beauty, but Cara didn't really see it. She leaned against the rock. She wanted to cry without anyone hearing her. Without having to worry about the shame she'd bring upon herself. Tears ran down her cheek and Cara screamed and cried like she never had. She smashed her hands against the cold, smooth stone without feeling it.

It was not only her pregnancy she was crying about, or Leo. It was her entire life. From the moment she'd been taken by the Mord-Sith as a little girl, Cara had never been able to cry freely. The Mord-Sith would double her torture whenever she dared to cry. They said it was to give her a better reason to cry. There was always a better reason, so Cara forced herself to control the tears. That had worked for her ever since. Until they came along. Richard, Kahlan and Zedd. During her time with them, she'd reconnected with feelings she didn't think she had inside her anymore. She was still not sure if she liked it. They had made her feel regret and sadness again, but also happiness and love. They'd made her weak. So weak. And yet, she'd always been able to hide most of her feelings from them. Until now, she thought, feeling a pang of shame as she watched how her tears rolled of the rock in tiny little rivers.

….

When it started to get dark, Cara returned to their camp. Just because she was sad didn't mean she was stupid. Running off alone was one thing, but wandering about alone at dark in these woods would be asking for trouble, even for someone armed with not one, but two Agiels.

Kahlan got up as soon as she saw Cara approaching.

"I'm glad you're here." she said warmly. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Thank you," Cara said, while Kahlan handed her some food.

"Where are Richard and Zedd?" Cara asked.

Kahlan shrugged. "Getting firewood. They can't be too far."

"What have you been doing, this afternoon?" Kahlan asked quietly.

Cara shrugged. "Nothing." she said. "I've been thinking."

"And?"

"I don't know." Cara said flatly. "I don't want a child."

Kahlan looked worried. "I know, but Cara, please don't do anything dangerous."

Cara blinked. "I'm not afraid." "

"I know you're not, Cara." Kahlan said softly. "But will you please be careful? I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Hurt?" Cara said, with that dangerous sarcastic tone in her voice. "You know what hurts? Having your newborn child snatched away from you, before you've even been able to hold him. Hearing his screams and wanting nothing more in the world than to hold him and protect him and make sure he's alright, even if though those feeling are completely strange to you. Wanting to beg them to give him back to you, so you can touch his perfect skin and cradle him to sleep, but knowing you'll be tortured if you do. And knowing that it won't make any difference anyway, because he will be taken away. Far way, where you'll never see him. Where he'll either die young and nameless, or become as cold and emotionless as his mother. Knowing he'll be trained to never even think of you, to never long for you. _That_ hurts. "

This time, though her words were emotional, Cara didn't cry. She'd cried enough and it hadn't helped her.

Kahlan looked shocked. "Did that happen to you, Cara?" she asked carefully.

"Do you have a son?"

Cara nodded. "Yes." she whispered. "He was Darken Rahl's."

Kahlan seemed speechless.

"Goodness, Cara. That's terrible." Kahlan's eyes were filled with tears.

Cara looked away. "Yes. And that's why I don't want to go through the same thing again. I don't want to have another child somewhere and never know what happened to it."

"You don't have to." Kahlan said, taking Cara's hand.

They saw Richard and Zedd emerging from the woods. From Kahlan's head gesture they understood she didn't want to be disturbed.

"What do you mean?"

"You could keep this child with you."

"You're delusional!" Cara snarled. " We're in a hurry to save the world, if I may remind you. "

"We'll figure it out." Kahlan said calmly.

"Kahlan," Cara said in a calm, but ice cold voice. " I am a Mord-Sith. I _take _life. I killed my own father. I killed your sister. I killed more people than I, than anyone, could possibly count."

"Cara, you're not a Mord-Sith!" Kahlan said with a surprising fierceness.

Cara looked as if she'd been slapped in the face.

"Yes, I am." She said defensively.

"You're strong, determined and loyal, if that's what you mean by Mord-Sith." Kahlan said, with a smile on her lips. "But you're not a cold-blooded killer without any emotions or a mind of her own. You're here with us because you want to, right? Not because you have to."

Cara nodded grudgingly.

"You've changed, Cara. You've done many good things. I didn't tell you then, but the fact that you apologized to Dennee meant the world to me.I said I never would, but I think I have forgiven you."

Cara swallowed. " Really?" she asked, incredulously.

"Yes," Kahlan said, while sqeezing Cara's hand. " But you also need to forgive yourself. You're a good person, Cara."

"I don't kow about that.." Cara started.

Kahlan smiled.

"Whatever is going to happen next, I'm here, Cara. I'm your friend."

Cara carefully smiled back, visibly touched by Kahlan's words. "Thank you. I like you too."

Kahlan knew these were not words her friend used abundantly.

"But I'm still a Mord-Sith." Cara added determinedly.

**Thanks for reading and for the reviews you left so far ;-) !**


	4. Chapter 4

Cara cursed when she almost tripped over her dress. She saw Kahlan looking at her with a huge grin on her face and Cara sent her a deadly gaze back. "It's not funny," she murmured sullenly. She'd been wearing the dress for quite some weeks now, but she still had some trouble walking in it. It was so unbelievably impractical. She couldn't fathom how Kahlan could move so gracefully in clothes like that all the time. It was a good thing the last few weeks had been relatively calm, because Cara wasn't really sure how well she could fight in this.

When they'd passed by a town some weeks ago, Kahlan had been determined to find other clothes for Cara. Cara had protested, of course, but Kahlan simply ignored her. It was the only town of this size they'd see in a while and it wouldn't be long before Cara wouldn't be able to wear her Mord-Sith outfit anymore. Cara had to admit that Kahlan was probably right, but that still didn't make her like it. Suggesting to take off the red leather was like suggesting to rip off her skin. Thankfully, the Agiel holder around her leg still made her feel a little bit of a Mord-Sith. Anyone who'd want to try taking her Agiels, would have to kill her.

The travel dress was made of a beautiful dark green fabric, and compared to most dresses, it was actually very comfortable. However, after spending most in her life in the smooth Mord-Sith leather, Cara had a hard time adapting to other clothing.

After Kahlan and Richard had found out, it had been impossible to get rid of her pregnancy. Kahlan had been watching her every move. Even though Cara pretended she was annoyed by this, she was secretly thankful. Cara wasn't even sure if she'd really could have brought herself to take away the last remaining evidence that Leo had ever lived, and that she had cared. Now she could at least blame Kahlan.

Cara hadn't really accepted her pregnancy yet. From time to time, the reality that she was going to have a child, a child she would have to take care of, would hit her. This frightened her so much, that she preferred not to think about her child altogether. She'd deal with it once she'd get there. However, Kahlan wouldn't let her ignore the fact that she was carrying a child. She was excited as if she was having a child herself, constantly babbling about baby names and how lovely the baby would look. Most of the time, Cara didn't really listen.

…..

They'd been walking almost all day now, and though she'd rather die than admit it, Cara was starting to feel tired. Just as she started to contemplate how mortified she'd be if she had to ask the others to slow down a bit, she heard the familiar sound of metal cutting through air. Dacras. In a reflex, she fell to the ground.

"Watch out!" she screamed at the rest.

Sisters of the Dark, again. Seriously, Cara thought grumpily, how many of these sisters could there be? There had been days where they'd killed more than twelve everyday, and still they kept popping up out of nowhere. The ones that were attacking now were a group of five. Should be easy. Cara moved almost without thinking. She never needed to think about what to do during a fight. It was a second nature. She knew when to strike and when to defend. As she pushed her Agiel into the neck of the first Sister that had attacked she could see the rest fighting from the corner of her eye. Then, she noticed one of the sisters was swiftly approaching Richard, while he was busy fighting another. Kahlan also saw it, and she was approaching, but Cara was closer. With a final jab of the Agiel, Cara killed the Sister she'd been fighting. She was now working on pure instinct. She didn't hear anything. She didn't think anything. She just saw the danger approaching Richard and she knew she had to do something. The attacking Sister pulled her dacra. Completely focused Cara ran forward, dodging another dacra thrown by the sister Zedd was fighting, and she forcefully pushed the Sister to the ground. Without hesitation, Cara killed the woman with one forceful stab in the heart. She wouldn't have mind letting the woman suffer, she'd attacked Richard after all, but she couldn't risk anything going wrong. Cara was breathing quickly and slowly the forest around her came back. She quickly looked around. Everyone seemed fine. All the Sisters were dead. Cara breathed a sigh of relief. She'd done her job right. "Cara!" Richard shouted, roughly pulling her arm. He sounded angry, Cara realized with a dash of surprise. "What are you doing?" Richard asked, sounding rather upset.

Cara looked as puzzled as she felt. "Ehm, a thank you would be nice." she snarked.

"It's not funny." Richard said without even a hint of a smile.

"It isn't supposed to be funny. I saved your life." Cara said. "As always," she added with an ironic undertone.

Richard impatiently shook his head. "You should be more careful, especially considering your.. situation" he said, while wringing his hand.

Cara gasped. "What?" she said, squinting her eyes angrily. "You say I should have let her kill you?" She realized she was almost screaming.

Richard seemed taken aback. "No, no, of course not," he said, trying to stay calm. "I mean, thank you for that, but Kahlan could've killed her. There's no need for you to put yourself in danger like that."

Cara was almost fuming. "I am supposed to protect you! That's what I do." she exclaimed. "Seriously, if it wasn't for me, you'd be dead a hundred times already!"

"Cara," Richard said. "I just.."

"You can't force me to let them kill you!" Cara screamed. "Of the countless stupid ideas you've ever had, really," She gasped for air, her frustration more than evident.

"Cara," Kahlan had quickly approached when she'd heard the argument start. She took Cara by the shoulder. "Calm down." she said gently. "Richard means well."

"I know," Cara said, still furious. "But it's just stupid. I don't take stupid orders."

Kahlan rolled her eyes, trying to figure out how to peacefully resolve this.

In the mean time Zedd had approached as well, watching the argument without saying anything.

"I'm getting sick and tired of your arrogance," Richard pitched in, sounding increasingly angry. Kahlan gave him a warning look. Picking a fight with Cara wasn't exactly the wise thing to do. Richard ignored her. "You really think nothing can harm you, don't you? Well, trust me, that's not the case. And I know you pretend you don't care about your child, but I'm not going to let a pregnant woman get killed over her stupid pride!" Richard was also yelling by now. " And I'd suggest you to be a bit more friendly with me. I've done everything I can to help you, but still all I get is insults. I'm done putting up with this!" Richard was breathing heavily. "

"Alright, alright, that's enough." Zedd spoke for the first time, taking Richard and pulling him away. "We should keep going if we want to get to a place where we can set up camp before the night falls."

With a last angry glare at Cara, Richard took the compass and turned around, with Zedd following him. Cara kept her distance to him. She'd like to be alone, but Kahlan persistently kept walking next to her. Cara tried to think of something else, but she couldn't ignore the hurt inside of her. Richard's words had cut right through her soul, even when she told herself not to care. Cara had never really had a problem hurting people, but she noticed she found it difficult when her good intentions were misinterpreted.

"Richard's just upset," Kahlan said softly. "He doesn't mean everything he says."

Cara shrugged. "I don't care what he says," she said flatly, in an attempt to seem uncaring.

….

When they finally found a place for the night, Cara was so exhausted she could barely stand. "Just sit down," Kahlan urged her gently. "Richard and I will get firewood."

For once, Cara didn't protest. She sat down as she watched Zedd rummaging through a bag in search of a pan.

She watched Kahlan and Richard walk into the woods together. She could hear them laugh. Cara knew they enjoyed being together. She saw how Richard pulled Kahlan closer to kiss her. She felt the stab of hurt she felt every time she saw Richard and Kahlan together. It made her long for Leo and the future they could've had together. If only they'd had more time.

"Could you cut the vegetables?" Zedd asked, while handing her a piece of cloth filled with different vegetables they'd gathered along the way. He'd guessed Cara's thoughts and wanted to distract her.

Cara nodded. "Sure," she said, thankful to have something else to put her mind to.

She was cutting the vegetables with so much concentration that she hardly noticed when Richard sat down beside her. She almost jumped when he coughed. Cara quickly looked back down, focussing on the carrot she was cutting. "Hey," he said quietly. He didn't sound angry anymore. Cara only nodded in ackowledgement.

"Look," Richard started, looking a bit uneasy. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Don't worry, you didn't," Cara said, more curtly than she intended.

Richard pulled his hand through his hair. "I probably was a bit unreasonable, especially considering I could've been dead if it wasn't for you, but I just worry about you."

Cara sighed. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine." She paused. "I just.. I have to protect you. That is my duty." She said determinedly, dropping the knife she'd been using to cut the vegetables.

"You have your child to protect now, Cara." Richard said softly.

Cara slowly shook her head, thinking.

"Not much point in protecting a child if it can mean the death of the only person who can save the world from the Keeper." Cara reminded him, her voice softening. "You like to downplay your importance, Richard, but if you die, everyone dies. You have to fulfill your task." Cara smiled faintly. "To protect my child, I have to protect you." she stated.

Richard smiled back at her. "I appreciate that, Cara, but Kahlan can protect me too."

Only when he noticed the hurt look in Cara's eyes he realized it probably hadn't been the right thing to say, but Cara didn't say anything. She just shook her head.

"Richard?" Cara asked hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry too."

Richard looked at her in surprise and Cara felt she was blushing. She didn't apologize often.

"It's alright," Richard said. "Zedd told me I need to learn to be more sensitive around women," he grinned. "Especially pregnant ones."

Cara smiled. "That's sound advice."

"You know, Cara," Richard said, turning grave again. "I have never known Leo, but from what I hear he sounds like a great guy." He glanced at her to see if he'd gone too far.

Cara felt her throat tighten. "He was," she whispered.

"I think he'd be really proud of you." Richard said gently.

"Perhaps." Cara said, trying hard to sound indifferent, but Richard could tell she was pleased.

"Maybe it's better if I leave." she said, looking down. "I can't keep slowing you down like this." She'd told them this a thousand times already, but they never seemed to listen. Cara was just waiting for them to realize the absurdity of this whole situation.

Richard shook his head. "We'll find a way," he said, slightly touching her arm, while he got up. "Don't worry, alright?"

"Hey, are you done with those vegetables?" Cara heard Kahlan's cheerful voice beside her say. She nodded and handed them to Kahlan. Kahlan smiled at her. "You and Richard are okay now?" she asked, gesturing at Richard, who was walking towards Zedd.

Cara nodded.

"I'm glad." Kahlan said, while sitting down and dropping the vegetables in a pan with water. "Have you already felt the baby kick?" she asked, looking up smiling.

Cara smiled at the eagerness in Kahlan's voice. She nodded. "Yes."

Kahlan's eyes got wide and her smile got even bigger. "Really? When?"

"I don't know, it started a few days ago." Cara said, unable to keep herself from smiling. Kahlan's enthusiasm was infectious. "But it's only very softly."

Kahlan gasped. "Oh, that's wonderful," she smiled, looking like Cara had just handed her a present.

Normally, Cara wasn't so keen on sharing the details of her pregnancy with Kahlan, but seeing Kahlan so happy made that she didn't regret doing so.

"I'm so excited," Kahlan said happily.

"I know," Cara grinned.


	5. Chapter 5

_The pains started in the middle of the night. She was taken to a cell in the dungeon of the Mord-Sith temple, far away from everyone. The cell was dark and cold and the only thing in there was a bed. There they left her all alone. Cara was screaming, not because she couldn't bear the pain, but because she wished someone could hear her. But as she listened to the echo of her own voice, she realised no one was there to help her. They wouldn't come until her child was almost there. They'd only come to take it away. __She told herself she was fine with it. She wasn't attached to her child, she just wanted to get this over with. After this, she could return to being a strong, fearless Mord-Sith, instead of a pathetically weak pregnant woman. But while she tried to force herself to feel otherwise, she was afraid. Afraid like the day the Mord-Sith took her. She was trembling and tears were streaming down her face. As a new wave of intense pain washed over her, Cara wished she could be somewhere else. Closing her eyes, she could imagine the house in Stowecroft where she had lived as a child. She imagined her mother, who would hold her hand and wipe her forehead and tell her everything would be alright. Her mother would tell her not to worry and that she would help her with the child. That she would teach Cara how to love again. But these thoughts were just daydreams. Figments of her imagination that could never be. As time passed, the pains became stronger and Cara heard the door of her cell open. For a brief, stupid moment she was relieved she was no longer alone, but then she realised the only reason someone had come was to take her child. As the people that had entered the room moved closer to the bed, Cara noticed they were the slave that functioned as a midwife and a Mord-Sith she didn't know. Having to get her baby was probably part of some sort of punishment. "Push," a cold and indifferent voice said. Cara did what she was told, but a voice in her head screamed at her to stop. She didn't want this. She wanted to keep the child inside of her, where it was safe. Cara's thoughts were floating and became a confused mix of images of her childhood, her parents, her sister and her baby. Cara started crying silently. It wasn't the pain that was hurting her, it was her feelings. She didn't want to be a Mord-Sith anymore. She just wanted her baby. And then, suddenly, she heard her child cry. It sounded strangely far away. "A boy," she heard a careless voice murmur. Cara's thoughts drifted away to happier place, while she was only vaguely aware of what the women were doing, until she suddenly she felt as if she was waking up. The baby's cries suddenly made her heart beat faster. Cara tried to scream, but her voice had left her. "No," she said, weakly. "Please, can I hold him, just for a second?" She heard someone grin sarcastically and she felt her heart plummeting. "Please, I'll do anything." she whispered almost inaudibly, feeling as if she would drown in her tears. Then she heard the squeaking sound of the cell door and they were gone. Her son was gone. Forever. That was when Cara got her voice back. "Don't take him away!" she kept screaming over and over, until her throat was soar. But there was no one there to hear her._

"Cara," a soft voice said. "Cara!" Cara's opened her eyes and, still only half-conscious, she tried to see where she was. She realised she was still screaming. "Ssst, it's alright." a gentle voice told Cara, while she was being pulled into an embrace. Cara blinked furiously and the world around her became more clear. She was not in a dark, cold cell, but in a bright room with large windows . The person hugging her was Kahlan. She was in Aydindril, in the Confessor's palace. A few weeks ago, a message had come that the political situation in the Midlands required the immediate attention of the Mother Confessor. Kahlan, who had originally planned to return to Aydindril before joining the quest for the Stone of Tears, had proposed to take Cara with her to Aydindril. Richard and Zedd could search for the Stone together. They would move faster together and they were strong enough to protect each other. Kahlan had found it difficult to leave Richard, but at the same time she was exited about returning to her home, even though there was an incredible amount of work to be done. She was also glad to have a safe place for Cara. Though Cara would never say so, Kahlan knew the Mord-Sith was happy not to have to travel around anymore. At the same time, Kahlan was thrilled to have someone she was close to with her at the palace. Everyone else was always respectful and kind, but they could never be her friends. Cara never treated her like a superior.

"Was it about your son?" Kahlan asked gently, while brushing some of Cara's blonde hair from her face. Cara nodded. There was no point in lying to Kahlan, who could see right through her and seemed to know all her weaknesses.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kahlan asked.

Cara shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

Cara had buried the memory of the birth of her son for a long time, ashamed and dissapointed in herself by the weakness she had shown by wishing for her mother and her desire to keep her son. She had put a lot of effort into forgetting all about it, but lately she found herself thinking about her son more often, especially now her second child would soon be born.

"Alright." Kahlan smiled at her. "I have to meet the Council now, and after that some of the judges, but we can do something together this afternoon, if you like."

Cara smiled and shrugged. "Whatever you want," she said, trying not to sound too enthusiastic, but Kahlan knew that was Cara's equivalent of "I'd love to".

When Kahlan had left the room, Cara got up from the large bed. She felt her child move and affectionately placed her hand on her belly. She liked doing that, at least when she was absolutely sure no one was watching. She walked to the large window and looked at the beautiful gardens beneath her. The bright sunlight created a thousand little sparkles in the numerous ponds and water streams. Cara noticed how the heavy feeling of dread, that had been with her since waking up, started to lift a little. This time, things would be better. She wasn't alone and no one would take her child away. Yet, she couldn't shake the nagging voice of doubt. Had she given up too easily on her son? Wouldn't a real mother have fought harder to keep her child? Cara had silently observed some of the woman working in the palace and noticed how they played with their children and comforted them when they were sad or hurt. Cara doubted she would ever manage to be like that. She wasn't used to tenderness. She couldn't imagine acting silly to make a child smile, nor could she imagine wiping a sad child's tears. She would probably leave those things to Kahlan, who seemed more than eager to help her with the baby. She herself could do the things that didn't require much kindness or affection, and watch how her child was getting all the loving attention it needed from someone else.

That afternoon, when Cara was walking down one of the hallways, Kahlan approached her breathlessly. "Cara, come!" Kahlan said.

"Is something wrong?" Cara asked in a worried voice.

Kahlan shook her head. "No, nothing's wrong." She smiled. "But there's someone who'd like to meet you."

Cara frowned. She couldn't think of anyone who would want to see her. She followed Kahlan to the other side of the palace and into one of the smaller meeting rooms. She noticed a somewhat plain older woman. She didn't look like any of the representatives Kahlan would meet in here.

"Hello," the woman said, smiling. "You must be Cara."

Cara looked confused. "Ehm.. yes. What do you want?" she asked, sounding more harsh than was necessary.

Kahlan jumped in. "Cara," she said in a soft voice, "This is Katryn Dane," she said while gesturing at the woman, "Leo's mother," she added.

"Oh." That was all Cara managed to say. She stared at the woman in front of her. The woman did have Leo's eyes. Cara didn't know what she should be saying, but before she could do anything the woman hugged her. Cara stood stiffly as the woman pulled her into a warm embrace, still not sure what was going on exactly. Cara suddenly realised the woman was not afraid of her. She didn't know what Cara was. She didn't know that Cara used to kill people just like her without even thinking about it.

"I've been wanting to meet you for such a long time, dear" Katryn said, looking Cara in the eye. "Leo wrote a lot about you in his last letter to us and, well, when I heard the Mother Confessor had returned to Aydindril, I was hoping I might find you here."

Cara swallowed. "What.. what did he say?" she asked quietly.

Katryn smiled. "Oh, all sorts of things. He wrote he had met a woman who was strong and courageous, unlike the boring girls his father and I used to suggest to him". She grinned. "He wrote he us he had never been more in love and that he hoped to convince you to visit his village one day, after the quest was finished."

Cara nodded. She felt Kahlan's hand on her shoulder. She would even have visited his ridiculous village if that would've made him happy. In fact, she would've done anything for him. She had tried not to think too much about Leo, as her life was complicated enough at the moment, but now it felt as if an old wound was being ripped open again.

"I .. I " Cara faltered, "I cared about him … very much" She looked at the ground. "I mean.." She hesitated. "I loved him". She had finally said the words she should have said so much sooner, when Leo could still hear them.

Katryn grabbed Cara's hand. "I'm very glad to hear that, dear" she said. "I've always known Leo was special, and I was convinced he would become the Seeker. I couldn't be more proud of the way he fulfilled his task, but I'm very glad he also found love."

Cara tried to smile. "He was a good person" she said. It were the only words she could think of.

"The Mother Confessor said you're expecting Leo's child?" Katryn said hesitatingly.

Cara nodded. "That's true."

"Well," Katryn said " would it be alright if I, eh, came to see my… my grandchild from time to time?"

"That's alright." Cara said flatly.

"Thank you, love" Katryn said, while embracing Cara for a last time.

Then she turned to Kahlan and bowed her head. "I'm very grateful to you, Mother Confessor."

Kahlan smiled at the woman and then walked with her to show her the way out of the palace.

When she returned, Cara still stood at the exact same spot.

"Are you alright?" Kahlan asked.

"Yes, don't worry." Cara said, her voice sounding hollow. "I'm going to my room."

And without looking back, she she walked to her room, and closed the door as soon as she got in. Cara sat down on her bed and put her hand on her belly to calm down her baby, who seemed to be moving more actively than ever. She felt tears burning in her eyes. She would be forever grateful to Kahlan for helping her and bringing her to Aydindril, but she couldn't stop wishing Leo was here. His mother's visit had made her realise how much she still missed him. "Leo," she whispered in a breaking voice. "I wish you could be here. You wouldn't have trouble playing with your child or being tender. You would make our child laugh with your stupid jokes and you would make everyone happy. You would make _me _happy." She lay down on the bed and pressed a pillow against her chest. Cara felt broken and it hurt more than the pain any Agiel had ever caused her.

…..

Kahlan was working her way through a huge pile of documents that needed to be signed and Cara was keeping her company.

"I wonder how Richard and Zedd are doing," Kahlan sighed suddenly, massaging her temples. With a pang of guilt, Cara noticed how tired Kahlan looked. She had been so absorbed by her own worries and pain that she hadn't realised how hard it must be for Kahlan to be away from Richard for so long.

"I'm sure they're fine" Cara said, trying to sound reassuring. "It will probably take some time for them to get where they need to go, because Richard will be too busy helping all sorts of stupid people out now that we're not there to keep him focused."

Kahlan chuckled. "Yes, that's probably true," she said. "I just can't wait until he's back again."

Cara wanted to remind Kahlan that love makes people weak and how Kahlan should not let her feelings control her thoughts, but she didn't. No one had been weakened more by love than Cara herself. She could now understand how Kahlan was feeling when she was away from Richard.

"Kahlan?" Cara said tentatively.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry I can't protect Richard the way I should and I-"

"Cara," Kahlan interrupted gently.

"No," Cara said, "I mean it, it was my duty to protect him and now, now I'm here and who knows what trouble he's getting into. I will never forgive myself if something happens to him."

"Cara," Kahlan got up and set down next to Cara. "If there's anyone I trust with Richard's life, or my own, it's you, but you're not responsible for everything that can go wrong."

Cara didn't say anything and Kahlan decided it was time to change topics.

"Can I comb your hair?" she asked and Cara nodded. Kahlan loved taking care of real people in contrast to her work on the endless documents and contracts and Cara let her. Kahlan smiled and picked up the pretty comb that had been her mother's.

"Your hair is getting long," Kahlan observed, when sliding the comb through Cara's blond hair, that was now falling over her shoulders.

"Yes," Cara said. "It won't be long before I can make a proper braid again."

Kahlan stopped combing. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"That I will be able to make a real Mord-Sith braid again" Cara stated cheerfully.

When Kahlan didn't say anything, Cara turned her head slightly.

"What?"

"Nothing." Kahlan sighed. " You can do whatever you want.. I just…like your hair like this."

"Is it that you don't like to be reminded that I'm a Mord-Sith? Cara asked, turning serious.

"It's that I don't understand why you still want to be like the people who hurt you so much." Kahlan said.

"They made me strong." Cara said, her tone almost wistful.

Kahlan gave an irritated snort. "Do you still believe that? They don't make people strong, they turn them into heartless creatures."

"You don't know anything about the Mord-Sith." Cara spoke very slowly, but her anger was obvious.

"Why do you want to remain loyal to the people that made you kill your father?" Kahlan sounded even more irritated.

"Because," Cara paused. "I understand them – and they understand me."

"Oh, well," Kahlan said angrily. "Then why don't you go to the Mord-Sith temple instead of here?"

"You're twisting my words."

Kahlan shrugged and angrily put the comb away. "I think I'll go to bed. Goodnight, Cara."

Cara sighed impatiently and went to her own room, next to Kahlan's. Conversations with Kahlan about the Mord-Sith always turned into arguments. She had been a Mord-Sith for most of her life, why couldn't Kahlan see that it still was an important –

Cara's thoughts were interrupted when a sharp pain surprised her and made her hold on to the desk in front of her. It was a pain she recongnised, a pain unlike any other. Her child was coming.

**Sorry it took me so incredibly long to update this! It'll probably be one more chapter + a short epilogue after this. Thanks for reading :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Cara stood still for a moment, not really sure what to do next. Her pride prevented her from rushing to Kahlan's room like she wanted to. Cara wasn't really someone who would ask for help, and she normally didn't have to, as Kahlan often seemed to know what Cara needed before she even knew herself. She sat down on the bed, and felt a twinge of panic. Annoyed, Cara drew in a quick breath. Mord-Sith don't panic, she told herself. She had done this before. There was quite a lot of time between the contractions, so it would still take a while. Cara forced herself into a fake sense calmness and lay down on the bed. As she closed her eyes, she slipped into an uneasy sleep. Cara's eyes snapped open when the pains became much heavier and came much closer after each other. From experience, she knew she was getting closer to giving birth. She got up and pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window, hoping it would help her to think more clearly. Everything was dark outside. When Cara moved back she noticed her breath had left a fog on the cold glass. She looked at it for a second and clenched a fist as the pain came back. Her thoughts returned to the dark dungeon in the Mord-Sith temple, where she'd been all alone, and she suddenly felt a little afraid. She decided she wanted to go to Kahlan, even if it would mean she had to set her pride aside. She went into the hallway and quietly opened Kahlan's door. The room was dark and silent.

"Kahlan?" she whispered

No response.

"Kahlan?" she said again, now a bit more loudly.

Cara could now hear Kahlan moan.

"Cara, go away." she murmured sleepily.

Cara bit her lip. "Kahlan, I … I think my child is coming."

"What?" Kahlan immediately sat upright and and stared at Cara inquiringly. She threw her long dark hair over her shoulder. "Really?"

Cara nodded.

"Does it hurt?" Kahlan asked in a worried tone.

"Of course it doesn't _hurt_." Cara snarled with an annoyed look in her eyes, but Kahlan noticed Cara's breathing was heavier than normal.

"Alright, alright." Kahlan hurriedly got out of bed and took Cara's arm.

"You're going to be fine." Kahlan said reassuringly, while leading Cara out of the room.

Kahlan opened Cara's door.

"Go in," she told Cara. "I'll go down to get the midwife."

Cara looked at the ground and seemed to hesitate. "What is it?" Kahlan asked.

Cara didn't look up. "You are coming back, right?" she asked softly.

Kahlan smiled and hugged her briefly. "Of course," she said. "I'll be right there."

….

The birth of Cara's second child was very similar to to that of her son. The pains got heavier in the same way and in about the same amount of time. But this time she wasn't alone. Kahlan and the friendly midwife were by her side the whole time. Kahlan was holding her hand and stroking her hair and not once did it occur to Cara to tell her to stop. For Kahlan, she didn't have to pretend.

Then, she heard the midwife cheerfully say it was a girl and the room was filled with the child's cries and Kahlan's exhilarated gasps. Cara didn't feel anything but a strange sense of detachment. She didn't know what would happen next.

When the midwife finally tried to hand the baby to her, Cara weakly shook her head. She squeezed Kahlan's hand.

"This is not .. a good idea." Cara said in a husky voice. "I can't do it."

Kahlan leaned closer to Cara. "Cara, please." She said, caressing her hand.

Cara shook her head again. "I don't want her." She said aloofly, turning her head around. "I only wanted my son back, not her."

Kahlan smile faded and she shared a puzzled look with the midwife, who was now wrapping the crying child in clean, white cloths.

"Cara," Kahlan tried.

"Go away."

Kahlan sighed and got up. The midwife stood indecisively with the child in her arms. The girl was still crying. Kahlan gestured at the woman to follow her.

When they had left the room Cara was alone again. Her body ached, but her mind was surprisingly calm. Somewhere, deep inside, she felt a small twitch of doubt, but she decided to ignore it.

After a little while, the door opened again. Kahlan came in and closed the door behind her. She didn't say anything. She just looked at Cara and then went to sit down in the chair in the corner of the room.

Cara noticed Kahlan's eyes were red.

"Have you been crying?"

Kahlan lifted her head. "You needn't worry about that."

An uncomfortable silence followed.

"Is, ehm," Cara fiddled with the sheet. "Is she alright?" She asked the question before she could stop herself.

Kahlan's eyes lit up. "Yes," she answered. "She's perfect, Cara."

Cara looked away, biting her lip.

"Why don't you want to hold her?"

Cara still didn't look at Kahlan.

"You're right. She's perfect." Cara said after a short pause. "I would only ruin her and –" She swallowed. "If I would hold her I don't think I could still give her away."

Another silence followed.

Kahlan sat down on the edge of Cara's bed.

"You're the only person she knows in this world." Kahlan said. "She only wants you now. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Cara felt tears on her cheek, but she didn't care enough to wipe them away.

"You don't need to do everything right," Kahlan continued. "You'll just learn a lot of new things along the way. And I'll be here to help you."

Cara finally turned her head to Kahlan.

"Shall I get her?" Kahlan asked gently.

Cara nodded almost unoticeably.

Kahlan quickly returned with the little girl, who was still crying.

Cara looked insecure. "I don't know how to hold a baby," she whispered.

Kahlan smiled. "It's not that difficult," she said, as she made sure the baby was safely in Cara's arms.

Cara looked mesmerized and moved her free hand to awkwardly stroke the child's cheek. The girl stopped crying. It made Cara smile involuntarily.

Kahlan breathed a sigh of relief. "What are you going to call her?" she asked.

"Lucia," Cara said, without taking her eyes off her child.

"That's pretty," Kahlan said.

"My mother would've liked a grandchild who was named after her."

…

Two weeks later, Kahlan was about to go to bed when she decided to check on Cara and she quietly open her door. She didn't knock in case it would wake the baby. When she heard the door open, Cara immediately grabbed her Agiel and leaned forward to see who was coming in.

"It's just me," Kahlan whispered, raising her hands apologetically.

Cara visibly relaxed. She was sitting in a chair in front of Lucia's crib, who had finally fallen asleep after hours of crying.

Kahlan noticed Cara's tousled hair and the dark circles under her eyes. She looked exhausted. Cara seldomly allowed anyone other than Kahlan near Lucia, and she protected the girl with a fierceness that was even greater than the devotion had always shown in her protection of the Lord Rahl. She hardly got any sleep as a result of this, and Kahlan was worried Cara was overdoing it a bit.

"Why don't you get some sleep?" Kahlan suggested, gesturing at the bed. "You should take advantage of the fact that she's finally asleep."

Cara looked at her with an incredulous look in her eyes. "I need to protect her, especially at night."

Kahlan laughed quietly. "No one will hurt her here, Cara." she said.

Cara didn't look convinced. "You should never underestimate your enemy."

Kahlan sighed, knowing she couldn't argue about this with Cara.

"And if I watch her for a little while?" Kahlan whispered. "Would you go to sleep then?"

Cara looked conflicted. "You can't handle an Agiel,"

"No," Kahlan admitted. "But I have my Confessor powers, and two daggers."

Cara still seemed a bit hesitant. "You can't leave without letting me know." She demanded.

Kahlan shook her head. "I won't."

"And if you hear something suspicious you have to wake me immediately."

"Of course," Kahlan said, trying not to burst into laughter.

Cara finally got up and a smile crept across her face as she leaned forward to look at her daughter.

"Sleep well," Kahlan said.

"Thank you," Cara yawned, and as soon as she lay down on the bed she drifted into a deep sleep. Kahlan looked at the little baby and smiled to herself. Everything had worked out fine. If only Richard would manage to seal the rift.

….

The table was covered in letters. Kahlan was trying to keep up with the correspondence of some of the D'Haran army officials, but she found many of the D'Haran dialect words difficult to decipher. Cara had no problems with this, so she had decided to help Kahlan out. Lucia was fast asleep in the crib next to the table. They both looked up when a servant stormed in without the usual knock on the door.

"Mother Confessor!" The man was practically screaming. "The rumours were true! The Seeker has succeeded!"

Kahlan's heart soared with joy. There had been talk about Richard being successful for weeks, but Kahlan hadn't dared to believe it just yet.

"How do you know?" she asked.

The man was practically jumping with excitement. "He's here!"

"What?" Kahlan's eyes got big and she jumped up.

"Really, he's here!" the man said. "He's at the gate of the palace."

Kahlan started moving towards the door and Cara carefully lifted Lucia from her crib and followed Kahlan. Outside the palace was a huge crowd of people who had come to see the Seeker. And then, when Kahlan saw the two men entering the monumental gates of the Confessor's palace, she could no longer suppress her excitement. She didn't care about what was considered proper for someone in her position, she started running towards the gate, towards Richard and Zedd. Richard approached her with a huge grin on his face. He wrapped his arms around her and Kahlan held on to him as if she would never let him go again. When they kissed Kahlan thought she might die of happiness.

"I told you we would succeed," he whispered in her ear.

Kahlan just smiled.

Zedd approached and Kahlan hugged him as well.

"Where's Cara?" Richard asked, suddenly looking a bit concerned.

"Somewhere there," Kahlan said. "With her daughter," she added with a huge smile. Saying that still made her heart jump. Richard and Zedd both smiled and they started to make their way through the cheering crowd. They found Cara leaning against one of the pillars near the entrance, still holding Lucia, who seemed confused by the noises around her. Richard and Zedd swiftly walked towards her and Richard pressed a kiss against Cara's forehead. Cara frowned.

"I'm so glad you're okay," Richard said with a huge grin.

"She's a very pretty baby," Zedd added.

Cara smiled.

"You didn't even get hurt or anything?" she asked, sounding almost disappointed.

Richard shrugged. "No, sorry," he chuckled. "But I'm sure we would've succeeded much sooner if you had been in charge,"

"I'm sure of it," Cara said.


End file.
